How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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