remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i came on her dog
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
