I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
