Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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