Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i think my cat just said my name.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize