I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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