Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
