Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize