normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
