I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Randomize