i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
im six kinds of drunk right now
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
