He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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