Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
