I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
