Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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