PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Sorry about my life...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
