just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
