wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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