You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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