I think I just saw someone hide a body.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
