Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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