I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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