I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize