alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
