so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
that may or may not have been my penis.
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