the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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