Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Be still, my beating vagina.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
