After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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