I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
