i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
