I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
