just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
