Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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