normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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