I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
