shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
