I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
