I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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