You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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