that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
