okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
