I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
