I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
she smelled like a LAN party
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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