i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
