I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
