The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
