I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
