ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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