This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
