Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
