I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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