shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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