My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
