This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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