I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
