atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize