Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
