She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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