I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
