Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
