I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
