This girl is more easily done than said...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
