I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
