I just pynch a tree in the face
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Only a mothe r could love this liver
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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