You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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