my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
